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Archive for the month “May, 2012”


The West –

A nymphomaniac who forced a man to have sex with her eight times has struck again.

The German’s latest victim, an African, was found weeping in the street outside her apartment by police after a 36-hour ordeal, the Daily Mail reports.

“I met her on a bus,’ said the snivelling man. “She invited me back here. Oh God, it was hell. I can’t walk. Please help me.”

The man fled her apartment when she fell asleep.

Munich police confirmed the ordeal.

The 47-year-old woman has been arrested and is undergoing psychiatric assessment.

Her first victim met her in a bar in the centre of his home city.

She took the 43-year-old him back to her apartment and they had sex several times.

But, according to the Daily Mail report, when the woman demanded more, the exhausted man said no.

“He complied with the woman’s wishes another few times so he could finally leave the apartment,” a police spokesman said. “But when she continued to refuse and demanded even more sex from him, he fled to the balcony.”

He phoned police, saying: “You have got to help me. She is trying to kill me with sex. I cannot get out. I cannot go on.”

When police arrived to question the woman and free Schulz she invited two officers to join her in bed for a “quickie”, police said.

This is, without a doubt, the funniest fucking article I have ever read. I honestly don’t know what more
I could say about this article. It has everything you could ever want. A man crying in the streets. A woman offering cops quickies. I mean look at some of those quotes. “She’s trying to kill me with sex.” Classic. Just A + material. In the back of my mind I feel like this story is complete bullshit but still, I want to believe. I want to believe in this German nymphomaniac terrorizing the streets of Munich. Grown men locking their windows and padlocking their doors afraid that the German nympho will break in and bang them until their left crying in the streets unable to walk. I want to believe like I want to believe in the tooth fairy and honest politicians. My mind is telling me its a lie but my heart wants it to be true.

Now, assuming it’s true, there are a few questions that arise. First, how the fuck does this woman keep these men locked in her room? Is she literally banging them with a gun to their head? What the hell is stopping them from walking out the door. Maybe she’s some Teddy Bruschi lookin broad. Just holdin dudes down and banging them to the brink of death. Just walking around all 250 pounds of her in her night robe just waiting for dick, answering the door with a cigarette in her hand and as she invites a couple cops to a quick fuck.

Now, if this is real, doesn’t this kinda make her a rapist? Like if it was a guy he’d just be a rapist? Which is kinda fucked up if you think of it. This has to be fake. But goddamnit I want it to be real.

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