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Happy 420 bitches

To everyone out there who has ever inhaled, I wanna wish you all a happy holiday. And in honor of the holiday, let me present my list of the definitive top five stoners of all time in movies/television.

5. The Monkey – Grandma’s Boy

I’m sure anyone reading this is probably thinking, “Rob, you’re retarded, Grandma’s Boy sucked, how could you include any character from that movie, I hate you stop writing.”To which I would reply, fair enough. You’re right, this movie was no Citizen Kane. This movie was never going to win any Academy Awards. But that’s the point. It was never supposed to. People take movies way too fucking seriously today. It’s like everybody expects every movie to be Schindler’s List or something. But if people could just sit down and watch this movie without any pretense they’d realize it’s fucking hilarious. Plus nobody can say that a monkey smoking weed playing Xbox isn’t fucking hilarious.

4. The Entire Cast of Half Baked – Half Baked

I guess I’m kind of cutting corners by choosing the entire cast of a movie, but fuck it, it’s my blog, I can do whatever the hell I want. Plus trying to choose your favorite stoner character from Half Baked is like trying to choose your favorite Beatle’s song. It’s pointless. Just so many classic moments from the movie. Thurgood going to rehab for weed. Brian bringing back Jerry Garcia from the dead. Any scene with The Guy in it. Any scene where Brian talks. But if I had to choose just one scene it would have to be when Scarface quits his job.

But then again…

3. Slater – Dazed and Confused

This is a hall of fame pick. Sure it might be a bit of a front-runner, but that’s the thing about front-runners; they’re front-runners for a reason. They’re front-runners because they win. I’ll take Slater on my 420 squad eight days a week. He’s just the complete package for a stoner. Completely out of it. Always babbling about some shit that he thinks is intellectual but is actually idiotic. The classic, “I don’t give a fuck” attitude. Slater definitely earned his spot on this list.

2. Ricky – Trailer Park Boys

This is a dark horse pick. I’m sure most people don’t even know who the hell Ricky is, or what Trailer Park Boys is, but that’s because they suck. This show is one of the funniest shows of all time and everyone who hasn’t watched it is missing out. And it’s all held together by Ricky. The lovable, borderline-retarded, constantly-high convict. Dude lives the life. Just growing/selling weed out of his trailer, stealing cable from his neighbors and knocking over parking meters for spare change. I honestly had a hard time keeping Ricky out of the top spot. Because Ricky gets it. Ricky understands that you can live your life without ever having to give in to the man. That is, so long as you’re willing to do multiple stints in jail.

1. Spicoli – Fast Times at Ridgemont High

There were so many ways I could’ve gone with my #1 pick. But ultimately you have to go with Spicoli. It’s like having Pujols hitting clean up. Hits for power. Hits for average. Plays the field with heart. Guy does it all. Hot boxing vans in the parking lot before school like it’s no big thing. Ordering pizzas to Mr. Hand’s Classroom for his munchies. Ripping bongs all day everyday. Plus he fucking tears up pipelines like it’s hits job. And as I’ve stated before, there is absolutely nothing cooler than someone who surfs. Spicoli fucking wins.

Honorable Mentions
Shorty – Scary Movie

Saul – Pineapple Express

And with that I’m ending what is most certainly the best list of stoners ever.

Now since I can’t fucking figure out how to get a music playlist onto this sight, enjoy yet another youtube link.

Happy Holidaze motherfuckers!

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